It's that "special time" of the month, your wife has that crazy look in her eyes, and you know your next words could be your last. What do you say?

The Babylon Bee is here to save the day (and possibly your life) by providing you with a handy list of great things that are always well-received by a woman on her period.

1. "We're all in this together.": She'll surely appreciate this reminder that in a way, you have to suffer too.
2. "Soon you'll hit menopause and won't have to deal with this anymore.": Reminding your wife of the fact that she's getting old and will soon be unable to bear children will be a great comfort to her.
3. "How is this going to affect the timeliness of dinner tonight?": It's just a practical question.
4. "Have you read what God said about this in Leviticus?": As a husband, your job is to impart biblical wisdom to your wife.
5. "Maybe cleaning the house will take your mind off of the way you're feeling.": It's just a practical suggestion.
6. "This one time, I brushed my teeth a little too hard, and a little blood came out, so I know exactly how you feel.": It's important for her to know that you can empathize.
7. "Here is a 64-ounce tub of ice cream. I have set the TV to rerun shows about wives murdering their husbands. Tacos will be delivered every day at 9, 12, and 6. Also here is a large fluffy blanket. I will see you on Thursday.": ChatGPT wrote this one for us, and we think maybe the robots are on to something.

By sticking to the list above, you may very well be able to save yourself from several days of trouble. After a few days, you'll be in the clear and free to say whatever dumb stuff you want…until next month.

 Biden Administration Announces ‘Menstrual Hygiene Day’ for a #PeriodFriendlyWorld. May 28th.
The U.S. Department of Labor (DOL) announced a holiday called “Menstrual Hygiene Day,” a day that is aimed at creating a period-friendly world for “menstruators.”

Well I missed it this year by a few days but I wanted to let all y'all know I put it on my calendar and you should do the same so we don't forget to celebrate next year.

(WOMEN, they’re called WOMEN. Pro-Tip: Only women menstruate. If you bleed out of your penis once a month, or even ever, get to the hospital immediately. You’re welcome. Pro-Tip 2: Menstruators who were born male still need to schedule that prostate exam after they reach 50 y/o. LOL.)

In a post on X, the DOL shared a link to a blog post about Menstrual Hygiene Day and five ways that employers can make their workplaces “menstruation friendly” for “menstruators.”
“To commemorate this Menstrual Hygiene Day, the Women’s Bureau is breaking down the stereotypes and stigmas that have made menstruation a taboo topic in the workplace,” the DOL’s blog post read. “Menstruation is a natural part of half our population’s life, and yet it has been overlooked in the context of work – perhaps because it is seen as a personal issue or uncomfortable to discuss.”

https://x.com/USDOL/status/1795879796599111997?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1795879796599111997%7Ctwgr%5E751b7fa195e0dcc4488018e3e5d92dfeb9283559%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.breitbart.com%2Fpolitics%2F2024%2F05%2F29%2Fbiden-administration-announces-menstrual-hygiene-day%2F

The DOL added that the discussion of women’s menstruation being seen as “taboo” has led to a “lack of understanding” about the impacts of menstruation such as dealing with “premenstrual syndrome,” “unexpected or heavy bleeding,” or “pain from cramps, headaches or migraines while at work.”

In the blog post, the DOL lists the five ways employers can create a menstrual-friendly workplace for their employees:
1. Provide a sufficient supply of varied period products in bathrooms and ensure menstruators can access products privately.
2. Allow flexibility in uniforms, with options in dark colors to ensure menstruators do not need to worry that an unexpected period or heavier flow will lead to noticeable stains.
3. Allow scheduling and work flexibilities such as telework, flexible work hours or shift modifications.
4. Guarantee access to paid sick leave, provide explicit guidance that menstruation is a qualifying condition for the leave – whether for symptom management or for related medical appointments – and ensure that employees and their managers are aware these are allowable reasons to use sick leave.
5. Educate and train workers and managers about the symptoms of menstruation and how they can impact employees at work and include support services for menstruation in any Employee Assistance Program offered.

The DOL’s announcement of Menstrual Hygiene Day comes a month after the Biden administration’s Department of Education changed the Federal Title IX rules, taking out a large portion of what former President Donald Trump had added.
Under the revamped Title IX rules, sexual discrimination is described as discrimination that is based on gender identity and a person’s sexual orientation. Schools are also not allowed to separate students based on sex.
In 2021, the Biden administration removed the word “mother” and replaced it with the term “birthing people” in the White House’s budget proposal for the 2022 fiscal year, according to Newsweek.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2024/05/29/biden-administration-announces-menstrual-hygiene-day/

A young guy from the west moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a tire salesman out west.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been okay in the tire business, but you’ll have to do much better here.
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says, $101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."
The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'"

 

The new This Girl Can advert features a woman’s visible tampon string, which shouldn’t be revolutionary, but it kind of is. (NOOO, it's NOT.)

(These people have gone totally BAT-SHIT crazy. I can remember back in the day when nobody wanted to see your tampon string, even the people who understand completely how a woman’s body works and understand there’s NOTHING unclean about it … it’s life and the cycle of life.)
Sport England celebrated the fifth anniversary of its groundbreaking campaign to get more women and girls active with the release of another ridiculously inspiring TV advert, and the moment with the tampon is one of the highlights.
The aim of the ad is to promote diversity, normalise the unfiltered reality of exercising and shine a light on the barriers that prevent many women from getting into fitness – from motherhood to period pains.
Hannah Johnson is one of the real women chosen to feature in the campaign, and it’s her tampon string that we get a glimpse of towards the end of the film.
‘Recently, I have become so unapologetic about my periods, and what I go through with my period pains every month.
‘But there was definitely a moment where I was like – “do I really want to be the one with my tampon out on a national TV campaign?” Of course there was some trepidation,’ Hannah tells Metro.co.uk.
‘But I just had to put my money where my mouth is. Being open about this stuff and normalising the what the female body goes through is so important to me, it’s something I believe in. So I had to do it. I wanted to do it.
‘We’re all so scared to even say the word “tampon” – but it’s not a dirty word. Periods are incredibly natural and normal, everyone knows that they happen, so it makes no sense that we have to hide that.’
Hannah’s period pains have been incredibly debilitating ever since she first started getting them. They leave her in intense agony every month, and for a long time, fitness was the last thing on her mind when she was suffering.
She has always been shocked by the complete lack of empathy when it comes to period pains and PMS symptoms – and she thinks that comes down to the fact that nobody talks about it.
‘I would go in to work and just be in the most intense pain, and nobody would care. I just had to be there, and suffer through it. There’s no consideration and I think people don’t appreciate how bad it can get.
‘But I thought to myself, if I have to be here at work then I can at least do something for myself as well. That’s when I began to research about exercising on your period.’
Hannah thinks it’s vital that we see real images of women working out, facing real obstacles and overcoming them in normal ways. And periods are just one more taboo to be tackled.
‘If men had periods, it would be completely normalised. We would never hear the end of it. Everyone would be talking about periods all the time,’ says Hannah.
‘There is literally nothing to be embarrassed about. Now, if I have to walk around with my hot water bottle at work I’ll just say straight out if people ask me – “it’s because I’m on my period.”
‘If anyone wants to say anything negative or mean about the fact that you’re talking about your period, that’s embarrassing for them – not you.’
Women online have been loving the new advert, with the tampon string shot really hitting home for many.
‘Tampons and tits are still regarded as taboo mostly by men who just haven’t grown up yet. All power to This Girl Can,’ said one woman.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/15/im-proud-show-tampon-string-girl-can-shouldnt-taboo-12061161/

I was going through the line at Winn Dixie yesterday and I put a box of feminine pads, a bag of Reece’s peanut butter cups, a family sized bag of Doritos, a large jar of salsa, two bottles of red wine and some Midol on the belt. The cute girl bagging groceries said “You want me to wrap up those glass items and put everything in one bag so you can just sling it in the front door and run?"

 

The “So You Don’t Get Your Ass Gnawed Off” Starter Pack