Friday, August 30, 2024

 Help Desk, how may I help your dumb ass?

Okay, this is an old one and you’ve probably seen it before. If not, you’ll understand why some of the Help Desk people have that ‘don’t give a shit’ attitude.
Supposedly, this is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
IF this is true the operator should have been promoted, not fired, IMHO. 
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she was suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’
Alleged actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator:         ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller:              ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’
Operator:         ‘What sort of trouble?’
Caller:              ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator:         ‘Went away?’
Caller:              ‘They disappeared’
Operator:         ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller:              ‘Nothing.’
Operator:         ‘Nothing??’
Caller:              ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator:         ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller:              ‘How do I tell?’
Operator:        ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller:              ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator:         ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller:              ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator:         ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’
Caller:              ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator:         ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller:               ‘I don’t know.’
Operator:          ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller:              ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator:         ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall..
Caller:              ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator:         ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just  one? ‘
Caller:               ‘No.’
Operator:          ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller:               ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator:          ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer..’
Caller:               ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator:          ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller:               ‘No…’
Operator:          ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Caller:               ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator:          ‘Dark?’
Caller:               ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator:         ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller:              ‘I can’t..’
Operator:         ‘No? Why not?’
Caller:              ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator:         ‘A power …. A power failure?  Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Caller:              ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’
Operator:         ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller:              ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator:         ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller:               ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator:          ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’


4 comments:

  1. I never worked in an IT position but have been a semi-nerd computer geek and that is my dialogue with friends and family... I don't think I was ever recorded but my relationships suffered until the next problem with their computer.

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    Replies
    1. I have NO IT skills whatsoever. And things are seemingly deteriorating. My youngest brother is a computer genius, worked in the IT departments of several companies all his life. He was the one who convinced me to purchase a Mac that I have had for years now. My other 2 brothers won't touch a Mac so I can't call them for help. My youngest brother "Jeff" has always been very helpful with any problems, even going so far as to pay for the majority of my computer for me. Unfortunately, he has seriously moved to the dark side and while I still love my brother, he has seriously embraced atheism, TDSism, and has become a lunatic leftist and I can no longer talk with him very long before he starts spouting hate for conservatives. His oldest son has also "transitioned" to a girl about a year ago. I found out through my other brothers, he told them he wasn't going to tell me. So now we no longer talk at all. I think I need to convert to a different computer so I can get some help from the other two brothers.

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  2. I worked in IT support when PCs were just replacing typewriters, and I actually got this identical call, but involving a Word doc. I was like "Nah, it can't be." But it was. I dined out (or at least got free dreinks) on that story for years after.
    Stay safe

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    Replies
    1. I was wondering if it could possibly be true. Thanks for the visit and the comment.

      Delete

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